Extended bass. Tracking, imaging. Other than the 100db sound from the steam generator, there is a DEAD SILENT background in between tracks. Can boil potatoes, chicken, rabbit, crabs, etc., in boil chamber while you listen to music. Very cheap used.

Steam whistle blows every 30 seconds or so, caausing a harshness in the treble located at about 10KZ. Treble in fact, is rather bright on this unit. Could be the Soundesign speakers are exagerrating the high end. I'm thinking that going to valve power and pre could produce a sweeter sound. Also, and this may be important to some, we have the table in the barn (see 100db steam generator noise issue above). Cabling costs could put this unit out of reach. I ran a 200' run from the barn into the great room where my Soundesign amplification is located. However, these are really minor quibbles, easily over come by remote siteing the Lirpa and using budget cables. (Note, this is NOT the Turbo model so it doesn't play 45's). Rust can be a problem depending on how unit was stored. I recommend a double coating of primer if set up is outdoors in a barn or shed.

I came in from the rabbit farm to Odessa the other day looking for some wire fencing and decided to stop at Goodwill to try to find that elusive Best Of Jim Nabors LP I've been searching high and low for. Shortly aftet I got back to the used record section, I heard what could best be described as the sound of angels singing The Ave Maria. I asked the toothless wonder who was busy stocking old National Geographics, if someone by chance had donated a choir of used angels to the store. She chortled no, but that the local hashish dealer, Leppo, had donated a very unusual turntable he had found rusting at Big Ern's Used Oil Field Equipment, sitting behind a twenty foot high stack of rusted 4" drill pipe. After I complied with her request to insert my sphilcus into her gonnecktagozoink, she showed me the unit. The "Lirpa Steam Drive" (LSD)was sitting in the back room where they store and sort new donations. It was hooked up to an Electrophonic Receiver/8Track unit connected to a pair of Lloyd bookshelf speakers. Playing on it was the LP of Debbie Boone's, "Debbie Live at San Quentin" and the aforesaid Ave Maria was playing. The sound was truly awesome. The arm was actually fabricated from drill pipe. To say the counterweight was massive is an understatement. It was actually a used oil well pumping unit (a grasshopper to the oil literate). It was a tribute to Yugoslavian (or were the patents granted in Hungary????) technology that an Ortofon MC 40 was tracking precisely at 1.5 grams. In addition to the counterweight upgrade, the intrepid staff at Big Ern's had ingeniously disconnected the coal fired power source for a 1,000,000 btu/hr gas fired indirect line heater. The water was heated in under twenty minutes to boiling, thereby conquering the Lirpa's most often noted complaint, the 45 minute wait time from first shovel of coal into the fire chamber until the water actually produced steam (and provided power to the table). This was one upgrade that was obviously worth it!! And NO, yes, ZERO, pollution. Now that our daughter, Brunehilda, had grown up and was in elementary school, her crib was expendable. I had brought it in to donate so a trade with the store manager was worked out. Two hours later, with help from the flatbed and forklift and two of the helpers from the rabbit farm, this baby was MINE!!!!

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Drove an Abrams Tank in Desert Storm that about matches this unit soundwise and weightwise. It makes the Rockport Sirius look like the P.O.S. that it is. G.E. turbines that I saw at Glen Canyon da

Very

Lots

Well there was no way I could just leave a rare Lirpa MkII just lying there rust-ridden and rotting into it''''''''s own excrement, and it wasn''''''''t long before I went back with a man from the AA to see what we could do. I had already sourced an empty aircraft hanger that we could use to put the Lirpa back together in, so it was now just a matter of getting it there. We arrived armed with a flatbed truck and a hydaulic scissor lift. The man from the AA seemed suitably impressed by the colossal mound of rust and iron that we were about to try and move and inquired as to what it was. "It''''''''s a record player." I said. "Did you drive it here?" he asked. " ''''''''Cos we only do roadside breakdowns, and if you didn''''''''t drive it here - I can''''''''t help you." "No, no - you don''''''''t understand, it''''''''s a record player. It plays records, vinyl ones." "It''''''''s not a car??" "No." "oh. Fair enough, yeah, it is a bit big to be a car. Well I''''''''m not quite sure what to do about that then mate." he said, scratching his head and gamely trying to cross his arms accoss his vast paunch. "You will help me mave the Lirpa" I said, passing my hand accross his face. It was an old Jedi mind trick, but it seemed to work and we were soon pulling off the rubbish that had collected on the Lirpa over the years and peering under the dank blue tarpaulin. There it was. Great grey iron joists and bogey-mounted carrying beams resolutely gripped each other in the darkness. I could just make out the aft stylus hatch, which was open and had let the Foamex seal crack and fall down around its base into a pile of Rumanian cigarette butts. The tarp was wet and it stank. It took almost as long to get it off as it did to manouver the scissor lift into position so we could lift the Lirpa up. The man from the AA pushed a lever and there was a crash, the lift juddered and gave off a great cloud of thick smoke before settling back into a pool of hydraulic oil. The Lirpa didn''''''''t even wiggle. "Right" he said, "wait here." He was back in about half an hour with the biggest fork-lift I have ever seen in my life. A dirty yellow German monster that Lirpa might have been proud of constructing himself. It had six vertical steel exhausts, eight wheels and a dual hydraulic lifting arm that came down over either side of the cabin. The forks swept down under the MkII

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A Tank.

You could run a decent donut business with it.

It doesn''t work.

I have only ever heard rumours of the Lirpa''s early history. Of obscure covens of alchemists attempting to turn lead into gold, and later of crude, misguided, attempts at travelling through time and space. Lirpa always seemed to take the road less travelled, and would do whatever it took to advance audio fidelity. However, the rumours I have heard always seemed to suggest that the Lirpa family positively detested the idea that the technology behind their dark arts might spread to the point where, ultimately, it fell into foreign hands. This chronic xenophobia was the reason that, when the industrial revolution finally developed forklift trucks big enough to move a Lirpa steamtable any distance, they still thought only to share their monolithic audio masterpiece with fellow Americans. Imagine my surprise then when I discovered one of these fine sonic specimens... in England. Wandering through an abandoned industrial estate in Catford the other day, I noticed that one of the dilapidated donut factories that the area had once been infamous for, had finally closed down and left all its machinery outside. There, collapsed against the factory wall and half hidden beneath a dirty blue tarp, was what look unmistakabley like a Lirpa MkII. The tarp wasn''t quite big enough to cover its dignity - which had been all but destroyed. Gone were the chromed iridium lobing rods, the dark bakelite trim had cracked and fallen off, allowing rust to eat away at the iron chassis underneath. The radially magnetized neodymium magnets that had once powered the Lirpa''s unique voice coil, had fallen off and finally found solace in each others fields. The damage was horrendous, not least because much of it had obviously been inflicted deliberately. It had little metal spikes welded at regular intervals all over the Proscenium turntable, and it had obviously once been used to punch the holes out of millions of donuts. There was still jam caked all over the binding posts. It''s still there, I''ve tried covering it up with some of the other debris, but there wasn''t much I could do really. I have no idea how to get it anywhere that I could repair it, or even if it could be repaired once there.

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super fast turntable rotation speeds

steam from generator tends to cause rust in bearings

When I picked up this unit for the modest price of $9300.25 (cdn) I was initially impressed by the table's ability to develop high levels of angular velocities. Starting at the standard 33 1/3 rpm the Lirpa Turbo had no problems going to 44, 88, 100 1/3, and finally the turbo waste gate solenoid activated allowing the steam driven turbo to generate 12psi boost resulting in a final 40000 1/3 rotational speed. By now I was able to play the average 12" in under 5 seconds. Though Star Trackin' 76, and Disco Fever sounded more ambient the sonic dynamics had developed a grainy texture - something was missing. This is when I went into my tweaking mode. Following the Max Withheld's recommendation, I upgraded to the standard diamond-tip quad-needle and Cold fusion reactor. Rotational speeds had now reached 7/8c and the 9 dimensions of audiotime, as predicted by string theory, in my vinyl was revealed! This put to shame anything I've heard in 5.1 or 8 Track! The only drawback was that the near light velocities lead to mass dilation in my LP's causing the weight of my LP's to grow exponentially reaching a peak mass of 10000kg. Since my Lirpa sits on top of my HK amp weight strain was placed on my amp. Upgrading to a 1 ft cube of solid diamond was the only choice for a proper stand. Though setting me back 2 billion dollars (cdn) it was worth it!

Future Upgrades
-superconducting suspended bearings
-Nitrous, NOS

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Unstable Cold Fusion upgrade package

Seems i have a problem, I am from the year 2020. 20 years in the future I was listening to my Lord of the Dance soundtrack on my Lirpa Turbo (with the optional Cold Fusion upgrade). All of a sudden the Cold Fusion Generator failed. I got my toolbelt and opened the door to the CFG room. What I saw inside seemed to be a small black hole in the corner of the room. It sucked in the entire Fusion assembly. Oh boy, this has happend several times before, and I was so frustrated I considered throwing out the turntable.(those fusion assemblys are expensive) I opened the window, but when I tried to throw out the anti-matter into the pile, it got hold of my glove and pulled me in, and next thing i know, here i am! Fusion upgrade package not recommended. P.S. instead of using a cubic foot of diamond to hold up the unit, try suspending it with 6 small black holes, ive seen them for sale on ebay, and if you cant find some I got plenty out in the yard..

New cold-cold fusion reactor; anti-matter 24/192 conversion platter

Time-space singularity turned the olives black; Romanians complained about black olives in their martinis

The new Lirpa Steamtable MkV-S(e)XGTii comes with the all new cold-cold fusion reactor. It has an auto-refrigeration cycle which sucks out all nearby Kelvins into the Unimatrix 001 trans-warp steam conduit. Very cold. No freezer necessary. The redirected steam helps the Borg create the jungle climate needed by Kathi Lee's little friends to create more Lirpa clones. Luckly for Kathi Lee, the Borg is one big Union with controled wages. The Borg have also enhanced their technology by assimilating Radio Shack Home Theatre Gold cables throughout. Many Lirpa aficionados now predict the quick demise of the Borg communication infrastructure.

The newest Lirpa addition is, as mentioned, the anti-matter 24/192 conversion platter. As the table approaches 7/8c, the decoupled magnetic demodulators begin resonating at their inherent 192khz frequency. By deploying 6 of the quadra-headed styli on top of an optically gridded 44.1khz conversion platter, the Lirpa's optional matter-coupled Borg-link (just something the Borg tos-ed out) can take 16 bit digital data which is steam sprayed in enhanced inverted quark-infused starchy mode onto the platter and is then picked up by the 6x4 styli-array and optically remodulated by the magnetic resonators. The resulting 24/192 anti-matter data stream then jets across the universe, automatically requiring Critical Security Updates in all copies of Microsoft Outlook and Microsoft IE. Finally, when decoded, the sound universally pleases all Teletubbies and drunk Romanians. The matter/anti-matter data streams never really cause any interference problems owing to subtle but imaginary phase variances. Now, don't get jittery: Disaster only occurs if both data streams are first locked into a Genesis Digital Lens, but that happens only In The Beginning.

Buy your MkV upgrade now. Resistance is Futile.

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Everything

Black market copies

At first, reading the reviews, I was outraged that anyone could give this State-of-the Art instrument anything less than five stars! Are they deaf?!! But, recently, I've learned that there are black market copies of the Lirpa circulating about. Rumor has it that these rip-offs are being manufactured by fugitive Russian nuclear scientists at a secret plant close to the Black Sea, and often sold on EBay with some sob story about having to sell it to make a car payment or to buy food - we know any true audiophile would choose a Lirpa over a car or food any day of the week.

For the sake of audiophiles everywhere, I got a grant from Bill Gates to purchase one of these copies for close auditioning. The bad news: these copies sound NOTHING like the originals, which give you that subtle, steam-driven hammer on steel ambience that only the true Lirpa has. The copies remind me of the ambience of a hard salami hitting a 55 gallon drum - not even in the same league. I could easily distinguish the difference even wearing ear-muffs and listening to my favorite chamber music recording from 2 blocks away during a thunderstorm.

So, how can you tell the copy from an original? Well, they often look very close, right down to the tinfoil embossed Lirpa label. However, the nuclear missle launch module which comes with some versions of the copy is clearly bogus, and the most recent Lirpa factory authorized upgrade is the cold fusion reactor and deep freeze module, NOT the Chernobyl reactor remote site license. Of course, even without these, for Golden Ears like myself, a 30 second audition is enough. But, for those who are more insecure about their hearing ability, we know that Dr. Lirpa himself personally built every real Lirpa turntable out there. Hence, science to the rescue (for once). Swab your turntable and send the swab off for DNA testing. This will easily and reliably separate the original from the rip-off copy. Buyer beware! This explains the difference in review ratings, in my opinion.

The rest of my system:

VdH Cockroach cartridge
Lirpa Gas Powered Phono Stage with Weed-Whacker upgrade
Lirpa monoblock Single Ended Class B amplifier
Radio Shack main speakers
Infinity IRS Series 5 (used as ambience speakers)

Accesories
Custom baling wire interconnects
Mpongo-bongo dots

Listening Room One, 5' x 7' x 8'.

My verdict: 5 stars for the original, no stars for the copy.

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Add-On revelation!!

Just bought the optional Hypersteam Jog valve (foot actuated model) on ebay for $877 and am I pleased! It only took a couple hours to weld it in place with the foot pedal next to my listening position atop the kerosene tank. With a fresh set of olives in place, I carefully placed my 1812 Overture disk on the platter and with each cannon blast I tapped the Hypersteam pedal per the included instructions. That explosive blast of steam coupled with the 5.3 kilograms tracking force boost did just the trick to bring me into the music. I'd never before heard such detail and immediacy in that piece! The added bonus of all wrinkles being removed from the draperies is icing on the cake and my complexion has never looked better!

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Valet in a spray

fabulous soundstage

none

Don't know what al this crap about tweaking the thing's about. Mine works fine with my Grado purple/yellow dots.

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I bought this thing two years ago at a garage sale they were having at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. This was practically the only thing left cause the Chinese bought all their other nifty classified secrets. I wasn't bitter though, cause the nice scien--salesman threw in two weapons-grade Cesium-137 fuel rods, some random blueprints, and a stack of sealed Manila folders that were all on clearance.

Anyway, this model I have was a special prototype engineered by the LLNL Jet Propulsion Dept in joint-venture with Lockhead/Martin Missiles & Space Defense and the Rand Corporation. It comes with a built in neutron star (which I've affectionately named "Carlos") that is isolated on an orbed electromagnetic field chassis. Of course this table still uses the unbeatable steam engine, but for extra dynamic range, the Neutron star kicks in via the Burr-Brown twin-diode partical accelerator (patents pending).

...But that was two year ago. Due to extensive play time by my "Sounds of Nature: Grass Growing Volume 3" album at loud volumes, the neutron star has since been depleted to a mere white dwarf. So I said to myself, I need a new table!!

I ended up buying the revolutionary new Alex Chui DIY Lirpa Perpetual Motion table which is not actually a perpetual motion device. Rather, it has a built in wormhole that feeds off energy wakes from parallel universes--thus in respect to our universe, it is indeed perpetual motion.

So now what do I do with this old junker Lirpa? Well recently I've located and disabled the primary throttle governor (speed limiter) on the Lirpa Steamtable and was able draw an amazing 640hps @ 9200rpm, and 480ft/lbs of torque @ 5500rpm. Consulting with my mechanical engineer buddies over at Daimler-Chysler, I was able to jerryrig the old Lirpa to my 1973 Daihatsu Charade's rear axle. With the Lirpa, some strut bars, torsion bars, a wheeley-bar, 16inch slicks, and a shute, I was attain Mach II at the track in Laguna Seca.

Five stars for the Lipra Steamtable
Five stars for the Alex Chui DIY Lirpa Perpetual Motion table

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