The most flexible digital device I have ever used. Doubles as an intergallactic defense system.

You can use the engraving function to carve your own sculptures.

Tranport can be programmed to remove tattoos, unwanted hair, and reduce fine lines and wrinkles. This gives it a strong Wife Acceptance Factor.

The steam engine is enclosed in a folded dimension, so the problem of exhaust and third degree burns is a thing of the past.

I like my Beethoven to sound like White Snake.

I am soooo happy to be off the CD tweak rollercoaster.

Red Shiny Buttons too close to CD transport buttons, I took out Lichenstein by mistake one day (who noticed?).

Scalp irritation, risk of infection.

Improper programming may split time and matter.

The heavy water the engine produces is difficult to sell anonymously on the black market.

Every 5 CDs, a little green alien will come out of the dark matter and raid my refrigerator. So I have to keep it stocked with Vodka and cranberry juice.

Like most of Lirpa's designs, this one is larger and weirder than the competition. But don't let that stop you from experiencing music the way the arachnids hear it.

Now that Dr. Lirpa has integrated his patented folded dimensions technology, the unit is both as large and heavy as an Abrams tank, and small and portable enough to take with you on walkabout in the bush (though a bit heavy). The best way to listen to it is inside the tranport mechanism itself. There is a comfy chair and a full bar. Just be careful that you don't push the shiny red buttons, as that launches the the various defense mechanisms and may violate UN weapons sanctions in your area.

There are so many tweaks for digital out there, many of which use quantum technology or shamanism. The Lirpa eschews all of that old technology in favor of transmograficaiton. When you insert a CD, the Lirpa Nespatic laser system will vaporize the disc while it reads it. Lirpa has trademarked this as "Vaporize Until Right". This eliminates any need for further tweaks and handily transforms the data into dark matter.

Once in theoretical physics mode, you can apply any number of complex algorthyms to transform Beethoven into White Snake or german beer drinking songs into the sound of the Rolling Stones 2025 Hepatitus Angioplasty Tour. (Which to be fair is not much of a stretch.) I preferred the non-oversampling reality conundrum mode, which emulates the sound of the PlayStation One. If you have a Quantum physics degree (or an unemployed Quantum Physicist) you can use the remote.

But onto the sound. So much has been written about the sound of the Lirpa analog products, but I have to say that his digital sources really have a way into the Corpus Collosum. In fact, most people who hear Lirpa digital usually have to undergo restorative brain surgery. As a luxury consideration Lirpa provides a trepanning station just to the right of the bar to allow you to extend your listening sessions beyond five seconds.

Similar Products Used:

Tibetan Buddhism, Opium, Stanford Linear Accelerator.

Yes

None

To get the obvious out of the way first, the previous reviews are all of an earlier model. Dr. Lirpa, AKA the ghost that walks and can never die, has significantly revised the Lirpa Sherpa from a budget CD player to a beyond the state of the art all in one CD player by incorporating the same drive system as his state of the universe class steam driven turntable and explodable hairless toupee - see reviews elsewhere on this site. Incidentally the price is converted from zlotnys, Dr. Lirpa's native currency. In terms of sheep it is a genuine bargain. But I digress.

No component since my magazine's inception has troubled me as much as the Lirpa Sherpa turntable. Not because it is a flawed product, in fact just the opposite. It is the one CD player that has produced music beyond the ability of even the legendary Lirpa Steam turntable. To wit, the soundstaging is so magnificent that, for the first time, you can actually hear the curvature of the earth, and anomalies in its gravitational field within the hall.

Dr. Lirpa avers that the super-Intelligent chip (patent pending) decoding algorithm incorporated into his machine is responsible - it's memory includes the characteristics of every recording venue known to man or beast, and uses that information to reproduce the qualities of each building, down to the gargoyle decorations on its outside, to a degree beyond that of any CD player heretofore. Indeed its technical intracacies are ferocious, nay, feral, and would require an entire essay unto themselves and that is not something I am, at this point, inclined to tackle. And further, Lirpa is working on an ultra-intelligent chip that will..... AAAUUUUGGGRRRGGG, GACK! Text ends here, apparently, this chip is so top secret that anyone who actually knows the secret apart from Dr. Lirpa has been killed (editor's note).

uHP

As unHairy Person's best friend, I have been asked to complete the review. unHairy, unfortunately, has not been able to completely capture the strengths of this CD player, but not for want of trying. Not only is its soundstaging capabilites unrivalled, but also its tonal purity is exquisite, making instruments sound almost like themselves - but not quite. For the first time, the divide between recorded and real has has thinned to the point of diaphanousness, and one can see reality just beyond on the other side. Visiting visitors have been floored by the beauty of reproduction. And no mean part of its near perfection has been the refusal of the Lirpa Sherpa player to interact with the CD sound, in some cases to the point where, it will actually eject them with some force. Indeed, I am told in Bulgaria that the Lirpa Sherpa has been used at gun clubs on the trapshooters range with used Barry Manilow CDs purchased at bulk.

But with the best CDs, your room vanishes and you are there, in the recorded venue. The first time this happened the neighbors complained there was a man sitting in his underwear next door, but they eventually became used to it. Who knows where this will lead? The future opens.

Similar Products Used:

Lirpa Steam turntable, Sony PS-1

Saw serious action in the 2003 Iraq war, where it was commended for it's strength, accuracy and for humming 'When I'm cleaning Windows' when it was turned on.

Poor singing voice. Can only play George Formby.

This rubber 'sports' CD player never made it to a full production run because it was stopped as a work in progress by the military. The laser that Lirpa developed for this cute little orange toy was later remodeled and used as a weapons grade plasma beam MC-35 rifle. The few CD players that did make it onto the market sounded awful and destroyed every CD they played, except those with tunes by George Formby on them. Much more successful was the Lirpa Labs Lirpa Turbo Steamtable, probably the world's finest record player ever made.

Similar Products Used:

Neo-Phasar Beam Cannon. Electro-Magnetic Pulse Bombs. Fisher Price Disc Player.

This is the first 100% virgin wool wide-belt driven transport mechanism in production. The belt weft induces a trans-harmonic signature which is 180 degrees out of phase with the fundamental 44.1 kHz sampling rate, which reduces jitter to that of, say, a sleeping Jabba the Hut. As an added bonus, the wool-lined tray keeps the CD warm during play, greatly reducing stray magnetic gauss field effects.

Lirpa made an excellent turntable which was reveived and highly recommeded in Sterophile in the early '80s. It's high mass multi-kilogram tonearm is still a reference standard. Those people who think this digitized Lirpa product has any merit should take a serious listen, and look, at this analog masterpiece. There is simply no comparison.